Pee-wee got a position as a jazz musician at a joint called Jumpin’ Joe’s
So he put new strings on his second-hand Fender and dressed in his hep-cat clothes.
He played up a sweat and in between sets he was sat at the bar all alone
When up came a gal with a five o’clock shadow who spoke in baritone.
She said: “Me, oh my, now Pee-wee honey, you caught my eye.
How about some conversation? Can I show you where I’m gonna have my operation?”
And Pee-wee said…
“Now hold on, sister, you look more like a Mister, and I think that’s how you were born.
I’m a one-string virtuoso, and I sure don’t play no horn”
She said “How you gonna fight me, when you weight about ninety, and I weight three-nine-nine?”
Poor little Pee-wee. How come he be in the wrong place, wrong time?
Now Pee-wee walking down a red-light street saw a sign said “We sell books”
He was holdin’ foldin’ in his pocket, so he thought he’d take a look.
Well the stairs were steep and the lights were dim and the customers all wore macs,
And the books were wrapped in plastic, all sitting on the racks.
Then a man with a gun said “I’m from Precint Eightyone.
Let’s go down to the station, tell the District Attorney your explanation.”
And Pee-wee said…
“I collect books by Kurt Vonnegut, I thought that I was gonna get a First Edition.
I was just building a collection, now I’m looking at a stretch and no chance of remission”.
The cop said “Man, you’re in luck, slip me a double sawbuck and I can turn a blind eye to your crime”
Poor little Pee-wee. How come he be in the wrong place, wrong time?
Now Pee-wee met a woman and married her the very same day.
She spent all his money, drank all his booze, stole his car and drove away.
Now he forgot all about her until she turned up knockin’ at the door
With an order from the court for child support for a kid he never seen before.
He said “That kid ain’t mine – you ain’t been around for twelve years and the kid ain’t nine”
She said “For your information, it was a very long gestation’
And Pee-Wee said…
“You can’t collect on me, I had a vasectomy in nineteen-eightyfour.
Don’t blame it on this pistol – I don’t shoot live rounds no more”
She said “You had your fun, I had your kid, now I’ll have your last thin dime”
Poor little Pee-wee, how come he be in the wrong place, wrong time?
So he put new strings on his second-hand Fender and dressed in his hep-cat clothes.
He played up a sweat and in between sets he was sat at the bar all alone
When up came a gal with a five o’clock shadow who spoke in baritone.
She said: “Me, oh my, now Pee-wee honey, you caught my eye.
How about some conversation? Can I show you where I’m gonna have my operation?”
And Pee-wee said…
“Now hold on, sister, you look more like a Mister, and I think that’s how you were born.
I’m a one-string virtuoso, and I sure don’t play no horn”
She said “How you gonna fight me, when you weight about ninety, and I weight three-nine-nine?”
Poor little Pee-wee. How come he be in the wrong place, wrong time?
Now Pee-wee walking down a red-light street saw a sign said “We sell books”
He was holdin’ foldin’ in his pocket, so he thought he’d take a look.
Well the stairs were steep and the lights were dim and the customers all wore macs,
And the books were wrapped in plastic, all sitting on the racks.
Then a man with a gun said “I’m from Precint Eightyone.
Let’s go down to the station, tell the District Attorney your explanation.”
And Pee-wee said…
“I collect books by Kurt Vonnegut, I thought that I was gonna get a First Edition.
I was just building a collection, now I’m looking at a stretch and no chance of remission”.
The cop said “Man, you’re in luck, slip me a double sawbuck and I can turn a blind eye to your crime”
Poor little Pee-wee. How come he be in the wrong place, wrong time?
Now Pee-wee met a woman and married her the very same day.
She spent all his money, drank all his booze, stole his car and drove away.
Now he forgot all about her until she turned up knockin’ at the door
With an order from the court for child support for a kid he never seen before.
He said “That kid ain’t mine – you ain’t been around for twelve years and the kid ain’t nine”
She said “For your information, it was a very long gestation’
And Pee-Wee said…
“You can’t collect on me, I had a vasectomy in nineteen-eightyfour.
Don’t blame it on this pistol – I don’t shoot live rounds no more”
She said “You had your fun, I had your kid, now I’ll have your last thin dime”
Poor little Pee-wee, how come he be in the wrong place, wrong time?
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