14/06/2009

9% of people claim they have seen a UFO

OK, so that's what the banner on the YouGov front page suggests.

But how many have been abducted? Let me tell you something...

I woke up the other morning to discover bloodstains on my pillow - I had experienced a spontaneous nocturnal nosebleed. That is something which has never happened to me before.

When do you get nosebleeds? That's right - when you go through some kind of decompression - like going up in an aeroplane - or perhaps something that reaches an even greater altitude. Are you tuning in to me yet, brothers and sisters?

Another odd thing; the whole room was entirely as it had been when I had gone to sleep the previous night. Now let me ask you this; if you were an alien, maybe a "grey", or something more like a futuristic hologram, or just that wobbly faced man from the end credits on the early Star Trek TV shows, and you were abducting someone, would you (a) make a right old mess of the place, opening drawers, swapping the socks around so all the pairs were odd, doing an alien-Banksy style graffito on the wall above the bedhead, etc., or (b) leave everything EXACTLY where it was, so there was absolutely no proof that you had been there.

I think we are on a wavelength here.


You got it, brothers and sisters; I had been abducted by aliens, and possibly (possibly? NO - probably!) been probed. And they didn't even have the decency to buy me dinner first. Sometimes you just can't win.

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This blog contains mild violence and fantasy spider references, and may allude to imaginary events as if they were actually real. Are you tuning in to me, brothers and sisters?